A Lonely Double Valentine’s Day…

Do I love flowers? Of course! Who doesn’t?
Do I love diamonds? The more the merrier!
Do I love lavish romantic dinners? Yup! Anytime!

These are my secret wishes for Valentine’s Day. But these words would come out from my mouth:
“Don’t spend so much money lah!”
“So crowded!”

“Why let retail and F&B companies benefit?”
“Everyday is Valentine’s Day, no need to celebrate on this day ya?!”
“Cook at home more romantic, no?”

Never trust what a woman says.

Oh right! I am helping the spouse toΒ save money so that we will be slightly richer to spend on groceries, kids’ piano classes, school bus fares, toys, etc, etc.

Oh, what a boring mama!

I know, I know… I have to indulge myself. I should let my hubby spend on me occasionally. If he doesn’t pamper me, then who? Oops! If he has some other valentine, I shall claim these back in dollars and cents and much more!

But you know what? After I became a mum, everything is about kids. Dating with the spouse on birthday occasion seems guilty as I am not spending with the kids. Receiving gifts and expensive dinners seem such luxuries that I no longer feel I should be entitled to. Going on romantic getaways with my spouse seem so difficult now that I have not one, but 3 kids. I can practically hear them crying for us to bring them along. There are so many occasions to celebrate, I begin to feel Valentine’s Day is a waste of money and I’ll probably feel happier to spend our money on somewhere else, spend on the kids.

Yet, I am one who advocates couple time as the essence of a healthy loving relationship. Occassionally, we go out together for couple dates. We have romantic dinners, watch movies, go on a short getaway all without the kids. But these were done much more often when we had 1,2 kiddos and they were really young like 2, 3 years old. Nowadays, it’s challenging to do so and not too nice to chuck the kids to the grandparents while we enjoy some quiet time. Our dates become numbered. Many of our celebrations stay in our home, or if we do go out, we bring the whole family out together.

Now, back to Valentine’s Day.

Not that we care much about this day meant for lovers. Kel and I do not really celebrate in an elaborate manner on most years, or rather, all the years. He used to pick a bunch of white lilies for me from his university gardens during our courtship. It does not cost him a cent but I find it romantic that he plucked it specially for me. On some years, he gave me a stalk of rose. He gave me a stalk of sunflower when I delivered our babies. He gave me a stalk of carnation on Mother’s Day. I have never received an elaborate bouquet of flowers bought at the florist from him. Not on birthdays too. You may think he is stingy, but he knows that I will be happier receiving a simple stalk than to heartache over a big bouquet with a big price tag knowing the flowers do not last!

For Valentine’s Day dinner, we have never eaten out at any restaurant. The first Valentine’s Day, he came to my hostel with the plucked lilies andΒ cook instant noodles for me. We sat outside my room under the dim corridor light and ate the warm bowl of noodles. That was a lovely and romantic dinner and one that left the deepest impression. After we had kids, we celebrated mainly at home with home cooked dinner over candlelights for some of the years. Then a couple more years, we just wished each other a “Happy V-Day!” and I cannot really remember how and if we did celebrate or not. How we celebrate has become less important over the years. What matters most to me is that we are still loving each other on each Valentine’s Day. It’s like a milestone check on our love progress.

This year’s Valentine’s Day happened to coincide with the Chinese Valentine’s Day too (the 15th day of first lunar month). This happens once every 19 years and definitely the first for us. But Kel is out of town. He will not be by my side on this day. Even though we do not really celebrate this day meant for couples, I am still a little disappointed, alright, quite disappointed about it. Still, we shall Skype and wish each other Happy Valentine’s Day. I shall enjoy the day, or rather night, with my 3 little valentines, maybe over candlelight and ice-cream.

ice-cream night

Before Kel left for his business trip, I slipped in some love notes into his luggage. I hope he finds them. If he hasn’t found them yet, he had better start searching for them after reading this post. I hope that will send my love thoughts to him on this romantic day.

Though we are far apart on this special day, our thoughts are with each other. I miss you dear…

Happy Valentine’s Day! Love you lots!

Love notes

 

Linking up with

Love Talks

25 thoughts on “A Lonely Double Valentine’s Day…

  1. I can understand you , every word but since I am out of this age having little ones, my daughters are 20 and 15 years old , I will say following.
    Please , keep some space for both of you , even little one and celebrate it for when routine comes over a relationship there is little you can do.

    • Thank you for such wise words! We do have couple dates, actually more than what my friends around have who are all busy with kids. But after my 3rd baby, such dates get lesser and we find it hard to ask the grandparents to help as it’s just not too nice that we enjoy while they care for 3 super energetic kids. We’ll just have to wait for the kids to grow up and for now, steal a day here and there from work to date each other.

  2. So sweet of you to slip in love notes for your hubby! Happy V’day – You can have a makeup celebration when he is back! πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing and linking up!

  3. We don’t celebrate it much either (actually we go a step further and don’t at all – just as well this year since A is also on a business trip!) but I do agree about making *some* time and not feeling guilty about it (I just like to do it on our own day – not on the prescribed day!).

    Definitely what matters are that you are still happy together as each year rolls around!

    • It’s hard for me not to feel guilty. It’s been this way since my first born. Now with 3, triple the guilt. However if they are all in school when we go out, I am ok with that. But if they are all at home, I will rather skip the date. Hence, we only date out on weekdays day time. Not too romantic compared to night. But it’s a treasured couple time. Happy Valentine’s Day to you πŸ™‚

  4. I agree, find a time to celebrate together….even if it’s a small kiss, a loving look and a reminder that you are still eachother’s valentines!!β€οΈβ€οΈπŸ™‹

  5. I have never celebrated V day, I had a boyfriend who bought me a big teddy bear on V day and thought ‘geez you don’t know me at all!’
    I love it when Nic and I go out last minute without the kids and have a great night, that’s memorable to me πŸ™‚

    • I would think your then bf should have cooked up a romantic Italian cuisine! Happy V-Day! The most memorable dates should be impromptu ones, that creates the excitement more than planned ones. Over in Italy should be buzzling with lots of romance ya?

  6. Oh how sweet! I love the notes you hide in his bag. And, I celebrate Valentine’s Day! I love it! I get Mr. T a box of chocolates and a card, and I try and do something special with him. Yes, I fully think we should always celebrate our love for our kids, our family, our friends and our spouse, every day should be Valentine’s day. BUT, I love the fact that there are times that it’s okay, even expected, for us to go overboard with our loved ones! I love that one day a year I can make heart shaped pancakes (I don’t, but I can) or I can pack us a picnic and we can eat sandwiches and feed the birds, or that sometimes I get flowers and chocolates myself.
    I love any extra reason to party! So, yes, I love Valentine’s Day! πŸ™‚ Happy Double Valentine’s Day to you, Kel and the kids!

    • Thanks Kate! I agree with you! Any reasons to celebrate and party! It’s really a day to make an excuse to date your partner in the busy everyday lives. I love flowers too though I feel that the money be spent better elsewhere. But receiving flowers is really a great appreciation of that special someone πŸ™‚

  7. So sweet of you !!! I can’t agree more with your post. I also do not celebrate my V day with my hubby after I have 2 kids. Same as you, we just wish each other “Happy V day”. I feel that everyday is a Valentine day to us. Happy Valentine Day my lovely friend !! Enjoy your day with your 3 lovely kids.

    • Happy Double V-Day to you gal! Reading all these lovely comments make my day and I don’t feel so lonely anymore! lol! When we become old couples, we just remember to wish each other Happy Valentine’s, and I think that’s sweet and loving to me!

  8. I think it is the same for most of us: kids are too important and dear to not spend time with. And Valentine’s day is not really something we celebrate either, especially when it actually is the day of friendship in Finland. Many send as many cards as for Christmas out saying they think of you and treasure the friendship – I haven’t really found the energy for that so close to Christmas πŸ˜‰ but we did make a few cards with the children, some for their carers at daycare, grandparents etc. And I bought some snacks for me and hubby and our Friday night sofa date. And he brought – I love this – one gerbera for me, one for our daughter and one for our son, one for all of his dearest people. Even though we don’t put a whole lot of effort on Valentine’s, I think it is a great reminder to treasure the people who are dear to you! And I believe one can and should do it in small ways, like your notes (I love that!), but hopefully we do it more often than once a year.

    • Your Friday date nights sound so good! It’s a weekly date compared to once a year date. However V-Day is more of an excuse to celebrate love and make time for each other for dating. You and your kids are so sweet to give cards to their loved ones. That’s so meaningful πŸ™‚

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